I’ve been struggling a lot with motivation lately. I know that my thesis is getting much closer. Sometimes that is enough to motivate me to want to work hard and get it done, but more often than not, I have this feeling that if I just ignore it long enough, it will go away. So while I was eating lunch today, I made myself a screen saver that says, “If you want to be done, you have to keep working!” I’m hoping that this, along with my other bag of motivational tricks will help me stay focused and keep working.
I really do want to be done. There are a lot of other things I want to be able to spend my time doing, but they’re limited right now because of the time needed for my thesis work: doing more around the house, being able to better fulfill my commitments and responsibilities at church and at CDC, being more active in my neighborhood and continuing to build relationships, being able to spend more time with Dave when he’s off and with other friends. I know it will feel really good when I’m done and that my schedule will be more free to pursue other priorities, but that doesn’t always translate in my mind and emotions to a desire to work hard now.
In the bigger picture of the thesis, of the last year, and even of grad school, I really am almost done. I’ve learned so much, but sometimes it’s easier to see the challenges, the pain, and the difficulties instead of the joys, the growth and the bigger purpose. My pastor mentioned recently at Bible Study about how we are so often on a journey or in a battle to overcome or push through a particular challenge, sin, difficulty, etc. and we give up just when we’re almost there and it gets really hard. If we had just kept pushing on, we would have made it, but because we gave up, we end up starting all over again. I really think that’s where I am right now - in a battle to overcome the challenges and myriad temptations and to finish. I am developing strength and character through this process, as well as working on something that’s end result will be very useful to my beloved community in Kenya. But it’s so tempting some days to just give up. If I don’t put all the things I’m learning into practice, not only will I not finish my current work, but I will also not be well prepared to pursue the rest of my calling effectively. I must continue to fight this battle and, by the grace and power of God, to overcome. A big thanks to all of you who have been praying and continue to pray for me in this time. I know that my God is faithful and that I can overcome all things in Him.