I think it's been a good week. My goal has been less what or how much I accomplish each day (I AM still working hard though!) and instead more about what my attitude is as I do it. I'm really letting go of the anxiety and doubt that paralyze me so that I can get to the business of living and doing what I need to do.
Today, though, I met with my advisor to work on some organizational issues for my thesis and the conclusion (which I was dreading) was that I still have a lot of work left before me: things I need to rethink, some more things I need to read and incorporate, things to rewrite. Argh. Even though my life has been consumed with it for the last year, it doesn't mean that I've actually done enough work to now say it's good enough, time to be done. Because it's not good enough yet. When I got home (it's about 2 hours door to door now), I laid in a nice warm bath and read a book. I haven't done that in forever.
So please keep praying for me through this process. I've learned so much: about myself, about the process of research and writing, about what I need to do to live and work effectively, etc. All good stuff. But I still feel frustrated that after all the mental and emotional turmoil of the last 9 months, I still don't have a finished thesis to show for it. I guess it's a really good object lesson for me as I learn not to get so worked up over everything, because it is absolutely self-defeating - such an outlay of energy without fruit. I know (well, at least I think!) it's all in God's timing, and that there were many important life lessons for me learn, but it's still been really hard. But that's life, isn't it. On my way to campus this morning, I was singing a song that says, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." It's very simple. As I sang it this morning, I knew without a doubt that it is true.